Italian Swim Team Battles U.S. Footballers to 1-1 World Cup Draw

As one of the worlds greatest soccer playing nations Italy knew that they would have no problems dispatching an upstart American team with only one player whose last name could possibly be mistaken for a pasta (Mastroeni). Being the saints that they are the Italian side decided to send thier national swim team to do battle with the Americans in an effort to even things out. After the game the reviews were good for both sides, although the Italians had trouble transitioning from the pool to the pitch as they keep diving whenever the Americans got close.

(zing)

Top Ten Worst Movies Of All Time!

Entertainment Weekly and The Daily Scoffer recently teamed up to conduct an expansive internet poll to find out the contents of the following list. Taking months to complete, these results are definitive and exhaustive. Plus, everything you read on The Daily Scoffer is absolutely true! So here it is, the ten worst movies of all time...

10) Quigley Down Under
9) Snow Dogs
8) Judge Dredd
7) Xanadu
6) Heartbreakers
5) Iron Eagle III ( 1 was alright, 2 we watched, but there was no need for 3!)
4) Citizen Kane (no, this is not a typo, and yes, this was a horrible movie)
3) Double Impact
2) Lorenzo's Oil

And finally, the worst movie of all time is.....

1) The Notebook!

Please support our loyal sponsors...

Crescent City Waste Disposal Services
"Our business stinks, but we're picking up!"

Karl's Gun Shop and Burrito Stand
"If you're in the mood to blow something, give us a holler"

Portis Salazaar, esq
"I'm not sure what an esquire really is, but I'll charge you an arm and a leg if you ever need one."

Dr. Montelbahn's High Colonic Shop
"We'll get you clean where the sun don't shine!"

From The Daily Scoffer Joke Section...

What did the tiger say to the zebra just before eating him?



I ain't Lion!

Ode to Zarqawi

(To the tune of 'American Pie', a Don McLean joint)

They were singing,
Bye, bye Mr. Al-Zarqaw-i
Drove my hum-vee to the pipeline but the pipeline was dry,
The Mujahideen were baking opium pie,
Singing, this will be the day that I die (praise be unto Allah)

And in the streets the falafel guy screamed,
And in the green zone they all turned on Larry King,
Not a Salaat was spoken, the Muezzin must have been tokin',
And the blog we all admire most,
Pulled through with another hilarious post,
The day Al-Zarqawi died.

They were singing,
Bye, bye Mr. Al-Zarqaw-i,
I hope all your heavenly virgins look like Katheryn Manheim,
It appears that you were not the most popular guy,
Because people smile when they hear that you've died,

(everybody now!)
They were singing,
Bye, bye Mr. Al-Zarqaw-i
Drove my hum-vee to the pipeline but the pipeline was dry,
The Mujahideen were baking opium pie,
Singing, this will be the day that I die (praise be unto Allah)
Singing, this will be the day that I die


Add your verse in the comments. It is a easy as...pie.

Loaf, and the World Loafs with You; Scoff, and You Scoff Alone

(Or, man learns bitter lesson by Scoffing for no one...)