Raffy Comes Clean

Less than a week since the first stories of the alleged Palmeiro steroid scandal broke, the Baltimore Oriole's First Baseman has decided to end all speculation and come clean on the issue exclusively to The Daily Scoffer. "Ok, ok, you got me...MLB got me and now I'm, well, just a little screwed," Palmeiro stated late Wednesday night. He went on to say "it's a sad day when a grown man, a professional athlete at that, can't take a bit of the juice and not have anything to worry about. For the love of professional curling, I'm almost 41 years old...How the hell did you think I was still able to get out of bed in the morning and still compete with guys half my age?" About half way through the interview, conducted by TDS' own Boog Rector, a well respected journalist and personal friend of Rafael, Mr. Palmeiro decided to admit to a few other items of speculation in his life, albeit somewhat less interesting than the stanozolol topic. "Yes, I admit it, I like Kelly Clarkson, no, no, I love Kelly Clarkson. (singing) Since you've been gone, yeah, yeah, I can breathe for the first time....I'm so moving on, yeah, yeah. I mean seriously, that song is awesome. You wanna know what else, I don't wash my hands after using the bathroom and I voted for Al Gore. So there you go, put that in your pipe and smoke it." Mr. Palmeiro went on to admit numerous other personal items, most of which were rather disturbing. TDS has chosen to print the following list of admissions by Mr. Palmeiro only under extreme warning to the readers:

1. Subscribes to "German Horse Porn" Monthly
2. Dips Oreos in orange juice
3. Watches "The Situation" with Tucker Carlson
4. Bathes in jell-o
5. Owns every single copy of the "Hardy Boys"
6. Went on tour with Barry Manilow from 1987-89

The list goes on but we fell that the above is more than enough for you to make your own opinion of good ol' Raffy.