How to Defeat North Korea

The Daily Scoffer usually strives to remain absolutely neutral on all events it covers, but as we feel that the following information may be vital for the defense of the Free World, we humbly submit it to our reading public, with our apologies for tarnishing our otherwise sterling record of unbiased reporting:

If war should break out on the Korean peninsula, all you gotta do is outfit the front line of the Allied forces with tremendous pictures of your favorite Commie dictator. Stalin, Mao, Lenin, Kim Il Sung, Kim Jong Il, Fidel Castro, Hillary Clinton--anyone will do. The North Koreans, conditioned from infancy to applaud the sight of any professional economy-wrecker, will drop their guns and clap like madmen until they all keel over dead. Then our boys can just stroll into Pyongyang and begin the real work of drawing pink moustaches on all the statues of the two Kims set up all over the joint.

The above has been a special announcement from The Daily Scoffer. It is meant only for the upper echelons of Allied Defense. Anyone else who reads it should definitely not tell the North Koreans or the Clintons about our plan.