North Korea Discovers Atomic Fission

North Korean scientists proved last week that they had discovered how to harness the frightful power of the atom. In a daring experiment, the Communist government detonated a bizarre device that somehow splits the nuclei of uranium atoms, thus causing a chain reaction that produces great amounts of energy. This is the first time in world history that anyone has been able to unlock the secrets of the invisible world of the sub-microscopic.

In the 1940s, scientists working in America came close to achieving the same results as the astute North Koreans, but the American project failed and no atomic bomb was ever used in the Second World War.

Shortly thereafter, the Soviets also tried and failed to create a so-called `atomic bomb`.

Then about twenty other countries were unsuccesful in crafting such a complex piece of weaponry, as well.

Finally, the despicable nation of Pakistan came up short in its own efforts to master the terrible art of fission explosions.

The North Koreans, flush with their recent success, yesterday announced a bold plan to put a man on the moon by the end of the decade. There is also speculation that the reclusive Stalinist nation will broadcast images through thin air using an emerging technology that is tentatively being called `television`. Some Korea-watchers even suggest that the North may be developing a machine that will allow the user to input data and manipulate text on a screen in front of him, but the realization of such a device, the experts acknowledge, probably lies many years in the future.