When I Grow Up, I Wanna Be in a Rubber-Stamp Assembly

Every North Korean wants to be a member of the country's rubber-stamp assembly someday, extrapolated data from a recent poll indicate.

In a survey of one thousand North Koreans, every single respondent answered in the affirmative when asked if they would like to join the powerless band of obsequious geriatrics whose sole function is to applaud when North Korean dictator Kim "Don't Mess with My Nodong" Jong-Il enters their assembly hall, and to continue applauding until he leaves.

However, in what would appear to be a statistical anomaly, all one thousand respondents also said they wanted to join the North Korean army. And, every surveyee polled expressed a desire to lick the miraculous boots of the world's most towering genius, Dear Leader Kim "American Spies Are Ruining Our Lovely Marxist Economy" Jong-Il. The discrepancy was partially rectified, though, by an explanation given by several of those polled, who said that their true wish would be to join the army, applaud pointlessly, AND lick Kim's blessed boots all at the same time.

Kim "My Nodong is Bigger than Your Nodong" Jong-Il expressed grudging satisfaction with the poll's results, but remarked that it "could have been more unanimous". Then he slaughtered a hecatomb of North Korean peasants, feasted on their carcasses, and whiled away the afternoon watching reruns of 'Starsky and Hutch' and playing video games with his favorite concubine's brood of illegitimate half-breeds.

Vive la Revolucion!