Who Is Spotting Who?

How many times have you been in the gym, and noticed a couple of scrawny, probably Canadian, guys over on the Bench Press with what appears to be an excessive amount of weight? Then you see one of the guys lift and realize the spotter has a tight grip on the bar and appears to be straining. What is going on here? Is the guy on the bench getting spotted, or is he actually the spotter and the guy standing is really doing dead lifts? This is a question that intrigued Dr. Harry DuMass of the Harvard Institute of Exercise and Health Studies (HIEHS). Dr. DuMass recently released the data from a nationwide study he conducted in conjunction with two well know nation wide gyms; The House of Power and Silvers.

Dr. Dumass was quoted as saying, “The results here were astonishing.” Out of all of the people studied, a remarkable 92% claim to not have realized that a guy standing over them straining as he pulls on the bar actually made the press easier and therefore less effective. Out of this 92% a stunning 68% were either Canadian or descendents of Canadians. Dr. DuMass was unsure what these results showed, however he did promise to conduct further studies to see if there was any real correlation between Canadians and bad work out technique.

Baseball future Hall of Famer and Icon Jose Canseco did read the study results and was shocked. He was quoted as saying, “What is wrong with these people? Have they not read my book? They need to quit cheating and have a couple of “Jose Shakes” a day." Jose did not elaborate on what exactly a “Jose Shake” is, but it is believed to possibly contain “performance enhancing supplements”.

While visiting one of the gyms used in the survey, I was able to interview a man that would only state his name as “Box”. Box claimed that he was not sure about how many people were cheating on the ole bench press, but he claimed to have had is eye on the “Guy in the Iowa Shirt” for some time now.

Dr. DuMass unfortunately was unable to report any other statistics from his study. He claims that he is still trying to figure out exactly what it was he was trying to figure out in the first place. However, with spring break approaching for many college students, Dr. DuMass did want to publish a quick workout plan for those idiots who think one week is plenty of time to get in shape for the beach. The workout plan consists of the following exercises:

1. Trampoline Bench Press. (Yes this is the one where you bounce the weight off your chest like a trampoline)

2. Simulated Squats. (Yes this is the one where you load up the bar with tons of weight and then realize it is way to heavy to go down more then an inch)

3. Way to Heavy Shrugs. (This is where you put like 500 pounds on the bar and try to shrug it, but all you are able to do is yell real loud)

4. Lower Back Curls. (This is where you load up the curl bar with way more weight then you can actually curl, instead of lowering the weight, you just swing hard enough to hit a home run with out steroids. Surprisingly, this works your lower back, not your biceps.

5. Run Backwards on the Treadmill. (Not exactly sure what this one does, but if you are dumb enough to try the others, why not this one too?)

Be sure to check back often for updates from Dr. DuMass. As soon as he releases further results, the Daily Scoffer will have them for you.