Dry Tortugan? Start Packin'.

In response to the increased level of anger surrounding illegal immigrants and their leftist, law-breakin' ways (but why do I repeat myself?), the Immigration and Naturalization Service has recently released a list of countries and regions whose citizens, whether they be in the United States legally or no, will be forced to leave our shores post haste.

As usual (and not surprisingly, considering our fantastic connections on all levels of government), The Daily Scoffer has obtained an advance copy of the list in its entirety, which we reprint below:

1. Dry Tortugas
2. Wet Tortugas
3. New Jersey
4. Equitorial Guinea
5. New Guinea
6. Heck, anybody from anywhere called "Guinea"
7. Brooklyn
8. Los Angeles
9. Las Vegas
10. Anywhere south of the Rio Grande, and west of the dividing line of the Treaty of Tordesillas
11. Yap

(Sorry, the last one was inserted at the behest of the Royal and August Government of Lesotho, the True and Legitimate Sovereign and Suzerain of Yap--plus, some Lesothoan nationalists gave me twenty bucks--and Scoffin' ain't free, you know...)