The Power of Lurv

Celine Dion, now a fixture in Las Vegas after signing a multi-million dollar deal in 2003 to perform at the MGM Grand five nights a week, has been altering some of the lyrics of her songs "the better to reflect her dirty Canadian affiliation", Dion's publicist admitted yesterday.

But this isn't news to us. In late 2003, mere days after Dion signed her contract, TDS planted a double-agent deep under cover in the Dion camp. Since that time, the agent, who we'll call 'Lou Brewster', has been feeding us a line. A whole lotta lines, in fact.

Below is just one example of the way Celine Dion has been altering her lyrics in order to subvert the highbrow crowd in Las Vegas who can stomach a Canuck AND a five-dollar lobster dinner all in the same evening:

I'M YOUR LADY

...Cause I'm your lady,
And you are my man.
Whenever you reach for me,
I'll be Canadienne...

I'm waiting for something
(like Quebecois Independence)--
And although I was born
In North America,
I still think I'm French...