The Rise of the Mormon Church

As a loyal reader of the Scoffer you have no doubt come to rely on our ability to out-scoop the national 'news' outlets and always come through with the insights no one else can get. As such, we understand that you are let down that National Geographic got the jump on us on the Book of Judas story. To make up for this we have decided to release a document that has long been stored in the Scoffer Archives, the true and complete transcipt of the conversation that led to the founding of the Mormon church.

This account was taken at the Horse and Buggy Pub in Manhattan in 1827. A student in a correspondence course to become a court reporter was studying for his final when he decided to practice by recording the next random conversation he could hear. What happened next is religious history....

Joseph Smith: Please excuse my being so forward ma'am, but may I buy you a fish sandwich?

Hot Bar Fly 1: I cannot excuse your forwardness or your lack of a text sent to you by angels. I have already dined on mutton with a proper Catholic and therefore have no time or appetite to dine with the likes of you...

Joseph Smith: A thousand pardons Madam...go to hell (underbreath)

HBF 1: Excuse me young rouge? What was that last part?

Joseph Smith: Uh, um....I said I fear I am going to hell.

HBF 1: We are all in danger of the lake of fire, talk to a priest.

Joseph Smith: Actually a priest won't do. I will only be saved from hell if I lay with you Biblically.

HBF 1: Why would I defile my flower to save you from hell when I will then be condemned to hell for my infidelity?

Joseph Smith: Good Point. What if I told you that an angel told me that the only way I could get to Heaven was if I slept with two women, and the only way those women could get to Heaven was if they pleased me.

HBF 1:HOLY HELL! I don't want to be condemned to hell, and if letting you grope my luscious lady lumps gets me to Heaven then color me down! How many ladies did you say you need to scrog? I have some friends...

Joseph Smith: 3?

HBF 1: Hey Hot Bar Fly 2 and Designated Fat Chick, come hither and meet thy saviour...

Joseph Smith: Barkeep, 3 Rufi-Coladas for my new harem! And put it on the Utah taxpayers tab! (Zing!)