Chuck Norris' Breakup Tape

In yet another stunning coup for The Daily Scoffer, we have recently obtained a copy of the cassette tape full of sad songs that Chuck Norris made for his ex-girlfriend, who recently ended their two-year high-profile relationship due to 'irreconcilable beard differences'.

As always, TDS wastes no time in sharing with its reader the contents of the intercepted material. The tape's contents, in full:

Side A ("Achy Side")

Track 1: There Is Always Something There To Remind Me (Of The Time I Roundhoused You)
Track 2: I'm In the Mood for Larynx Punches
Track 3: Uppercut of Love
Track 4: More than Words (or, Let Me Tell You in Short, Abdominal Jabs How Much I Love You)
Track 5: My Girl Wants to File Restraining Orders All The Time

Side B ("Breaky Side")
Track 6: Kung Fu Ever Love Me Again?
Track 7: I'm A Fool for your Hapkido
Track 8: There's a Tear in My Beard (Cause I Just Sucker-punched Some Henchmen)
Track 9: The First Cut is the Deepest--But I Can Make the Other Ones Hurt Like the Dickens, Too
Track 10: I Can Show You the World (But Then I'll Have to Kill You)

This, reader, has been yet another TDS exclusive. The remarkable failure of the general public to read/care about The Daily Scoffer is but further confirmation of the success of our mission (although this TDS reporter has no idea how the two facts might be related).

At any rate, long live TDS!