China Finally Gets some Culture

After 5,000 years of wallowing in a cultural vacuum, China finally got a taste of the upper crust of the arts when the Rolling Stones rolled into Shanghai for a one-night-only gig.

China, which for thousands of years has been able to come up with nothing better than a golden age of classical verse, a bevy of pioneering insights into the natural sciences, an encyclopaedic record of inventions and innovations, and the most intricate and nuanced writing system in the history of mankind, breathed a collective sigh of relief as the four enlightened gentlemen from England at long last graced the Middle Kingdom with their august presence.

Lead guitar player for the Rolling Stones Keith Richards, who doesn't look a day over "mummified corpse", summed up the experience nicely when he said, "Well, gippo larg a farg nargon, baby, yeah, rillony klive sprashta onogee cryptomeria... ha ha ha!" (The Chinese with whom this TDS reporter spoke all readily admitted to being bowled over by Mr. Richards' scintillating wit.) Richards, and front man Mick Jagger, delivered their pre-concert statements in a Shanghai hotel ballroom from a table that had been set up in front of a giant poster of a mouth with a tongue sticking out of it.

"This," said Jagger, gesturing towards the sign, "is the kind of high-brow art that the Chinese have been missing." He and his bandmates later proved good on their boasting by delivering stirring renditions of songs such as "Jumpin' Jack Flash", which deftly draws a parallel between a certain Mr. Jumpin' Jack Flash and a gas.

Brilliant.