Congress Outdoes Itself

Eager to capitalize on the success of its latest venture into awkward acronyming, the Patriot Act (which stands for "Punting Arab Traitors Right In ye Olde Testicles"), Congress today unveiled a new bill that, if passed in the Senate and signed by the President, would make law the Krzyzewski Act. The Krzyzewski Act is aimed at curbing a dangerous trend in large-fauna stampeding; 'Krzyzewski', in this case, stands for "Killing Red Zooming Yaks Zooming Egregiously While Skewering Kids' Innards".

When asked to comment on the possibility of signing the bill into law, President Bush said, "Heh heh, I'm proud to have pockets, and I'm proud to keep bills in them until they expire. I believe our greatest president, Arville Jackson, coined the word 'pocket veto', and that's just what I intend to do, heh heh."

Congress, in response to the President's comments, immediately began drafting legislation that, if ratified, would be known as the 'Staphylococcus Act', 'Staphylococcus' standing for "Suddenly, Tom And Paul Helped Yolanda Lower Oily Curtains On Calm, Collected, Unsuspecting Senators".

And that's the truth, folks.