Let's Attack Anti-War Protestors

Thousands of unarmed, unbathed, and unemployed anti-war protestors took to the streets around the world this past weekend to protest the U.S. liberation of a filthy Muslim basket-case of a country that didn't deserve any of the help we gave it. Now that we've deloused the place (and its erstwhile leader), perhaps we should do one of two things:

1. Bring a handful of troops back from the Middle East and ask them to do us the favor of de-Cindy Sheehan-ing our fair country. I'd bet most soldiers would do so with glee.

2. Send the anti-war protestors to a country similar in hellhole-ishness to Iraq pre-March, 2003, and set the timer. My guess is that within fifteen minutes, they'd be on the horn to the Pentagon, begging the evil Donald Rumsfeld to liberate THEM.

Or, how about this: in the spirit of the baseball season that's just around the corner, let's trade all of our anti-war protestors for all of Iraq's brave freedom fighters--this would not only make the U.S. smell much better, but it would give us the added pleasure of being able to attack Iraq again as soon as the protestors had gotten settled in (being greasy hippies, they should be more than accustomed to living in tents without access to running water, so we wouldn't have to delay our pleasure for more than a couple of minutes).

The Daily Scoffer will gladly continue to cover this developing story--and we ask out dear readers, have you any suggestions for how we might better and more creatively welcome freedom-loving Iraqis while simultaneously disposing of anti-American garbage like Cindy Sheehan?