Man Requests More Spam

A Minnesota man, who requested to remain anonymous, delcared in an affidavit presented to the Minnesota Supreme Court last week that he did, indeed, write to several known bulk e-mailers in order to request more spam.

"I, Mark Rivers [sorry, Mark, there goes your anonymity], did knowingly and wilfully request additional bulk e-mails, colloquially known as 'spam', from infamous and egregious ringleaders in the bulk e-mailing field. The reason for this is simple--I am an impotent internet survey taker who, as the result of a strange disease, can consume nothing but printer ink, and who is also addicted to Red Lobster gift certificates that, though vigorously promised, never arrive. I throw myself at the mercy of the Court."

It is reported that Rivers, a pauper, is soon to become very rich as soon as the millions he inherited from a Nigerian gold mine tycoon are delivered into his bank account. Rivers reckons that his soon-to-be millionaire status is the reason why so many comely ladies send him provocatively subject-headed messages all day long.