Milosevic Autopsy Fails to Find Heart

The autopsy carried out on former Serbian leader Slobodan Milosevic after his death on Saturday has failed to find any evidence of a heart, doctors with the Hague reported this morning.

"There was an icy, coal-black cavity where the heart should have been, but no traces of the organ itself could be found," announced Sven Korbelmacher, chief doctor-in-residence for the court.

In related news, former president Bill Clinton yesterday issued a statement pertaining to the passing of Milosevic, which read: "Slobodan Milosevic's arrest and trial should serve as a sobering warning to other heads of state that high crimes and misdemeanors carried out while in office will be punished...to...the...fullest...umm, that is to say, Long Live the Slobe!"

Clinton, who spent hundreds of millions of taxpayer dollars ridding the world of the scourge of a Sudanese ballet shoe factory shortly after his relationship with aide Monica Lewinsky was made public, was, unlike Slobodan Milosevic, a moral and upright man.