What's on bin Laden's i-Pod?

CIA operatives recently pulled off a daring midnight raid (remarkably similar to the one last month in which the Iranian president's diary was spirited away, netting an exclusive story for the fabulously well-connected Scoffer staff) and, although they missed nabbing their target, Osama bin Laden, by mere seconds, they did manage to carry off a lode of his personal effects. Among those was bin Laden's i-Pod, selected contents of which this TDS reporter transcribes below:

* "You're Momma Don't Jihad, and You're Daddy Never Completed the Hajj"

* "Don't Tell My Heart, My AK-Breaky Heart"

* "Chicken Soup for the Holocaust Denier's Soul" (audio book--as read by Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmedinijad)

* "Take My Tenth Wife--Please!" (stand-up routine, recorded at the Islamabad Comedy Club, August, 2005)

* "Throw Your Turbans in the Air (Like Ya Just Don't Care)"

* "If the Tent is a'Rockin, then Don't Bother Knockin'"

* "Holy War for Dummies" (audio book)

* "Ullulate Your Way to a Slimmer You in Just Three Weeks!" (audio book, as read by Tony Robbins)

* "Polygamist's Blues"

* "Oops! I Jihaded Again..."

* "Hard Candy Hanukkah"

* "The Idiot's Guide to Pakistani Tribal Etiquette and Kandaharan Nightlife"

* "Drop It Like It's a Pipe Bomb"

* "Great Speeches of Hitler"

* "Great Speeches of Hillary Clinton"

* "SK8R Boi"

* "Phil Collins, Jon Secada, and Wayne Toups--The Other Three Tenors"

* "I Jihaded My Way"

* "You Can Call Me Al (Qaeda)"

* "All My Exes Live in Peshwar"

This, gentleman (i.e., our reader), has been yet another TDS exclusive...