Tom "Can I buy Your Ultrasound Machine Please" Cruise Dumps Scientology for P.E.ology

Shortlty after reaching the much sought after OT III level of Scientology, Cruise shocked the world and Scientology buffs alike when he announced he was leaving the religion. "I really began to question my own personal beliefs, and the beliefs that I have brainwashed people into following," Cruise told The Daily Scoffer in an exclusive interview over the weekend, "I guess I finally came to the realization that I was never really good in Science back in middle school, and I just cannot continue to live this lie." He went on to add that "I was excellent in P.E., so I felt joining P.E.ology was a much better fit for me and my minions, uh I mean family." Apparently in order to become a member of the P.E.ology Church, one must pay thousands of dollars for audits, which is a very similar process found in Scientology. But instead of auditing your soul, P.E.ology audits your old smelly gym socks and tests your abilities in the following areas:
1) V Stretch
2) Floor Hockey
3) Getting ready to return back to class without showering
4) Dodgeball
5) Removing painted-on shorts of P.E. Teacher

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