How Grammar School is Different in the Desert

* Verbs not parsed, but parched.

* Forget calculus--say hello to cactulus.

* Drafting class cancelled, renamed Droughting class.

* Swim team foregoes the backstroke in favor of the heatstroke.

* Cafeteria food often described as 'yucca'.

* Students study Art and Rommel's WWII North African Campaign simultaneously, don 'Desert Smocks'.

* A/V Lab really a UV lab.

* Students on detention forced to scrub scrubgrass.

* Gymnastics squad dubbed 'Li'l Tumblin' Weeds'.

* Marching Band? More like 'Munching Sand'.

* Meet your new principal--Wyatt Earp.

* School bus drivers frequently spend hours chasing ever-receding 'oases'.

* Fancy 'whee-oo-whee-oo' whistling sound every time you enter a door.