Weekend Forecast: 100% Chance of Lefts!

Looking for something repetitive to do this weekend? Jonesing to see some fossil fuels consumed? Tired of all those right turns? Well boy are you in luck! Join millions of other southern and Midwestern American males ages 18-34 and tune in the Auto Club California 500. Not only will you see the limits of automotive technology pushed to the limits as teams spend millions to run like so many hamsters in a wheel 500 miles only to end up where they started, but no less than 64,000 left turns are guaranteed or your money back. If you really want a thrill you could attend the event (not recommended for minorities)where many unattractive females will be wearing (or not) tank tops and cutoff shorts. In addition, you can get a lite beer for $72.50. Coming on Monday: large dudes+small shorts+pretend fighting=GOOD TIMES!