Say Goodbye to the Whole Pucking Season

In place of the non-stop thrills once offered by millionaire troglodytes chasing a little black rock around an ice-skating rink, you might be captivated by the hot-button issue of Social Security benefits to al Qaeda members in Iraq who make over 90,000 dinars a year.

And in unrelated news, all orthodontics schools north of the Mason-Dixon line are closed until further notice.