Kim Jong Il's 'State of the Dictatorship' Address Actually One Long Standing Ovation

Kim Jong Il, beloved by millions of starving North Korean peasants for his outlandishly decadent lifestyle, could not utter even one word of his annual 'State of the Dictatorship' address last Friday, because as soon as he approached the podium (constructed of the ground-up skulls of former political opponents) the assembled rubber-stamp congress sprung to its feet and applauded wildly for forty-five mintues straight.

In related news, members of Cuba's rubber-stamp congress were planning to defect to North Korea before Castro delivers his 'State of el Dictatoro-ship' later this spring. "Oh, by the sweet ghost of Che Guevara, I will do anything to avoid another seven-hour rant by that decrepit old madman," said Manuel Manuelino y Manuela, whose name the Scoffer changed for obvious reasons (i.e., it's much funnier this way).