Democrats Finally Find Platform; Promote Skin Care Products, Change Name of Party to 'Dermocrats'

After decades of knee-jerk reactionism and obstructionist whining, Democrats finally found something productive to do with themselves, announcing yesterday that they were reinventing the Yellow Dog party as "the party of healthy, radiant, glowing skin--the Dermocrats".

Debunked former South Dakota senator Tom Daschle was the first to latch on to the new development, springing into action for springy skin at an impromptu press conference held at the Black Hills Indian Casino in Pierre. "I looooove skin care products," raved a visibly giddy Daschle (whose T-zone, by the way, looked phenomenal), "and I loooooove wasting taxpayer money. This is the perfect new direction for me, and for the Democrats--I mean, the 'Dermocrats'. Hee-hee!"

The Daily Scoffer also attempted to contact New York senator Hillary Clinton for her reaction to the news, but she was still engaged in preparatory andricidal sorcery (see previous Scoffer article).

At any rate, the new Dermocrats are FAB, so why not vote for one next time around?