An Event You Won't Be Attending

As you certainly know, Prince Charles and his super hot lady Camilla Parker Lewis Bowles are to be wed this spring. Of course your humble correspondent will be a guest of honor, and of course you won't be invited. However, I was once a common man so I am willing to share with you the itinerary of the blessed event so that you know minute by minute what fun you are missing.

Schedule of Events for the Wedding of Prince Chuck to C.P.B.

Thursday
12:00 pm - Groomsmen meet at Men's Warehouse to pick up tux's

1:00 pm - A round of hearty backslap's and Atta boys for Prince Charles

3:15 pm - Throw handfuls of 1/2 shillings to disperse paparazzi

5:30 pm - B.B.Q. @ best man's

8:00 pm - Bedtime story read by muse (as usual)

9:15 pm - Sneak out to O'Charley's for sourapple martini's (Prince's idea)

2:00 am - Walk home....bad experience with chauffeurs

Friday

10:30 am - Open one eye and moan

12:00 pm - Remind yourself how rich you are and get some lunch

1:00 pm - Meet at polo grounds

2:30 pm - Sourapple martinis (Prince again)

3:00 pm - Head to Target to get Prince and CPB a wedding gift

6:00 pm - Rehearsal dinner at "Shark Shack"

8:00 pm - Accompany Prince to "Ye Olde Din of Iniquitye"

12:00 am - Accompany Prince to Whisper's house

12:06 am - Take Prince home

Saturday

2:00 pm - Fish and Chips

6:00 pm - Hear King Henry VII roll over in grave

8:00 pm - Abuse open bar privilege

10:00 pm- Sex on Queens bed with bridesmaid

2:30 am - Post bail, head home