Hallway Etiquette

Tom Cochran once almost said that life is a hallway, and for many of us the hallway of life is fraught with uncertainty about how to react to our passing peers as we wander towards our destination. But being that it is the mission of the Daily Scoffer to make life in society less confusing for all we offer this guide of how to handle common hallway greetings that frustrate even the most precocious of pedestrians.

Locale: Corporate America
Situation: Passing someone you know, but not really
Proper Action: Tight lipped smile and half nod. NO EYECONTACT!

Locale: Corporate America
Situation: Passing VP of Department
Proper Action: Drop to knees, open mouth, close eyes

Locale: College Campus
Situation: Passing punk you smoked in the debate meet
Proper Action: Offer hand in show of good will and say "Hey Chum...p" and withdraw hand at last minute. *optional- high five friends and exclaim "hi-o!"*

Locale: Local Shop 'n Save
Situation: Passing girl who 'declined' your invitation to prom
Proper Action: Loudly exclaim to anyone who will listen that you are buying the premium spices because your sweet job affords you a top shelf lifestyle. Later circle back for the store brand.

Locale: Airport
Situation: Passing Pauly Shore in Southwest terminal.
Proper Action: None. B-list celebs gets no love.