Binge Drinking a Problem at Electoral College

Binge drinking has become a problem at campuses across the U.S., and the Electoral College is no exception. Students at the Electoral College, who have class only once every four years, during which they do nothing but vote as they are told, are particularly susceptible to the temptations that the relative freedom of college life affords.

Administrators at the Electoral College, which has no sports teams and no extracurricular activities, are looking into ways to help students channel their energy into more positive outlets. A random survey of students from other universities around the nation revealed that most would welcome the chance to play the Electoral College in any competitive event. "They're soft," taunted one offensive lineman from the Nebraska football squad, "but they're protected by the Constitution, so what are you gonna do? I'd like to give 'em a few torts to review, if you catch my drift."

(This reporter did not, in fact, catch his drift.)