Paper-Rock-Scissors to Decide Afghan Election

In a move that President Bush hearlded as "Democracy in action" the UN committee overseeing the election process in Afghanistan has approved a compromise election process that would allow the next president of the country to be decided by paper-rock-scissors in lieu of paper ballot. Due to the severe Afghan winters, extreme illiteracy among the population and general apathy towards government fueled by rampant opium use, traditional balloting was deemed impractical by the UN Joint Elections Managment Board. The solution to the impass came from an improbable source when the candidate from the Free Shepards Party, Kalid Mizuor, suggested that the 40 candidates be whittled down to one using the childrens game paper-rock-scissors (or paper-scissors-rock). Scheduled to be held Thursday, October 14 at an undisclosed location, the 40 candidates will stay locked in one room in a winner take all game of skill. Red smoke will be released when one candidiate remains. President Bush will call to congratulate the winner on Friday. President Chirac of France will call the winner on Saturday to make fun of Presidnet Bush.