Red Sox Fan Wants Soul Back

This morning as all of Boston recovers from the biggest night of celebration the city has seen since 1918 one lonely Sox fan still lies in bed sober and somber contemplating not who the beloved Bo Sox will be playing in the World Series but the eternal resting place of his very soul. "I didn't think it would actually happen," laments the now soulless Willy O'Toole. Willy remembers like it was just last week as he and his friends were watching game four from the Cask and Flagoon in downtown Boston and he offered his very soul to the dark lord Beelzebub in exchange for a Red Sox comeback and a pint of Yuengling. "I didn't think anything of the free beer I get hooked up at the Cask all the time," O'Toole remembers, "but when Johnny Damon hit that grand slam I knew it was curtains for the ol' soul. I mean come on Damon- demon, there is no way in hel--I mean heck for that to be a coincidence." O'Toole says that he has tried to sell his soul many times before but to no avail. "I tried to sell it in middle school for a Boone's Farm and again in high school for a chance to see Barb O'Malley naked," says O'Toole, "but I guess now I am actually damned to spend eternity in hell with the likes of Hitler, Timothy McVeigh, Bill Buckner and Calista Flockhart."
When reached for comment the prince of darkness opined that this has been a great year for reaping souls. "I have a ton of democrats trying to sell their souls for a Kerry victory but I don't think it is worth it," said Satan, "but this Red Sox thing was great. In addition to half of Boston I also got (Fox president) Rupert Murdoch's. And any day that you can reap that many souls and still piss off Steinbrenner is a good day at the office." In spite of Satan's upbeat attitude O'Toole wants his soul back. "I mean seeing the Sox win was awesome," says Willy,"but I would prefer to not go to hell so come on Devil, lets make a deal."