John Kerry is a Douche

Voters and political analysts alike are hotly arguing the outcome of Wednesday night’s presidential debates. Many say John Kerry, with his unrelenting wit and massive face-head combination, was the clear winner in the much ballyhooed primetime showdown. Still, others say that President Bush, with his catchy slogans and his uncanny ability to “dumb it down for the rest of us” drove an authentic Texas bar-b-que skewer into the senator’s election chances. But instead of listening to the “professional” journalists on CNN like Wolf and that other guy, we at the Daily Scoffer obtained solidified remarks straight from the horse’s mouth (by that we mean the president, not the other guy whose elongated face, well, you understand).
“John Kerry is a douche!” according to Jorge (pronounced GH-OR-GE) Watuzak-Busch, president of Sequatchie County’s “Diminutive Little Big Man’s Society.” “John Kerry’s campaign slogan should be “only drill the one’s that cough,”” remarked president Busch. “His politics are lacking and he doesn’t have the cool name. His name reminds me less of a commander-in-chief and more of a pre-pubescent 12-year-old girl.” Busch is facing harsh criticism from his leftist opponents in the D.L.B.M.S. for his outrageous comments after the debates. When reached for comment, Ross Perot, who was defeated by Busch in the race for president of the D.L.B.M.S., said, “Jesus, I have big ears.”