Terrorists Training Camp Videos Useful to Pentagon

Sec'y of Defense Donald Rumsfeld held a press conference at the Pentagon early on Friday addressing certain terrorists videos that have been shown repeatedly on national news. The videos portray a picture of terrorists world-wide attending camps at undisclosed locations training to, well, reign terror to all western nations(that means you France). "It appears that these cretans are superb at negotiating monkey bars, excellent at running through tires that are tied together and most horrific of all, unbelievably agile on the six inch balance beam," Rumsfeld said at Friday's press conference. Being able to perform the aforementioned tasks, successfully, means sure apocoliptic destruction for all on those on the receiving end of this inhumanity. Rumsfeld later admitted, when questioned by the press, that our military had no way of defending the country against these tactics. "It looks like we must send our troops to elementary school playgrounds throughout the nation in order to better prepare ourselves to properly fight terrorism!"