Castro's Arm Now Matches Cuban Economy

Cuban dictator Fidel Castro's nasty spill left him with an arm just as broken as the economy of the Caribbean island over which he presides, his team of doctors revealed yesterday.

"Senor Castro's arm is in smithereens," Juan Miguel Ruiz y Velazquez, M.D., said through a translator, "in this, it is exactly like the Cuban economy, which is based partly on half-baked Marxo-Leninism, and partly on Latin American inefficiency. El Presidente is also such a mix, long live el Presidente."

Ranking Republicans in the U.S. Senate said that Castro's injury will not affect the long-standing sanctions on Cuba--except that cast plaster and long sticks for scratching hard-to-reach places will now be added to the list.