Looking Out to Sea

When undersea earthquakes suddenly and violently lift sections of the ocean floor and, subsequently, the miles-deep columns of water covering the area, massive, powerful, and fast-moving tidal waves, or tsunamis, are formed. Traveling across hundreds of miles of open ocean at high rates of speed, these tsunamis are a danger not only to all boats bobbing in their path, but also to any cities lying on the coastal plain within reach of the monstrous walls of water. As tsunamis approach shore and move into the shallows, they begin to 'trip' on the upsloping bottom and to tower up out of the surrounding sea. Much different than a normal ocean wave, tsunamis are massive barrels of churning white water and debris, studded with boulders, sharp reef shards, and the splintered wreckage of unlucky marine craft. The last tsunami to hit the Hawaiian islands came on May 23, 1960; much of downtown Hilo, on the Big Island, was washed out to sea by the 35-foot high mammoth wave that had travelled from South America at speeds in excess of five-hundred miles per hour.

Nevertheless, a recent informal survey conducted by this roving reporter turned up some surprising results: three out of four surfers at world-famous Waikiki Beach admit to feeling "ravenously stoked" by the prospect of riding such a civilization-ending tidal wave. Most of the crowd was undaunted by the possibility of being ground to a pulp in the roiling, sand-choked, angry surf, and one man with whom we spoke even wondered aloud at where he could "find one of those things around here."

Local Public Safety officials, who asked that they not be named, expressed dismay at the findings. Having spent millions of dollars on TV commercials warning people of the dangers of a tsunami, many of those interviewed feared that they had merely been inadvertently promoting the "gnarliness" of the tsunami and inciting local surfers to act rashly when the moment of utter destruction was imminent. "I mean, you show grainy 8-mm footage of half of a city being pulverized by a tidal wave, and it only inspires people to get out and ride the next one," lamented one official.

A certain surf shop has even begun selling twenty-eight foot long outrigger surfboards which they claim are specially designed for "tsunami taming". The proprietor reports that sales of the board have been brisk, and he thanks the local civil officials for their efforts on his behalf.