French Citizens Protest Outrageous Laundry Bill

The arrival of Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat and his contingency in Paris on Wednesday has swiftly put an unforeseen strain on the French economy, as all of the delegation's headwear and clownishly fake army-fatigues must be laundered five times a day while facing Mecca, according to Middle Eastern custom. Parisian laundresses took to the streets this morning in the City of Lights, crying "Mangez-vous du merde, Arafat!" in a display of their unhappiness over the sudden quintupling of their already-heavy work load.

Palestinian officials declined to comment, but in a separate incident lifestyle-guru-at-large Steven Cojocaru called al-Jazeera headquarters to claim responsibility for Osama bin Laden's robe, which the Saudi exile debuted on his most recent videotape, released Friday. "The satin trim was muted but SMOLDERING," enthused Cojocaru, "and, oh, the beard was pillar-rific. Don't you dare change a thing, Sammy, you devil, except maybe your vituperous anti-Semitism."