John Edwards Accidentally Sues own Pants off

Former Vice-Presidential candidate John Edwards was briefly embarrassed yesterday when, in the middle of a meeting, he mis-aimed his magical 'Elegant Litigator' edition Cross fountain pen and accidentally sued his own pants right off.

"There I was, showing the world my bony white knees all of a sudden. It was humiliating. I've suffered emotional damage that only a figure in the 1.5 million dollar range can heal", said Edwards.

Of course, Edwards immediately sued the owner of the building for failing to install magical anti-'Elegant Litigator' edition Cross fountain pen force field generators in every room of the structure. The parties settled out of court; on the way to the arbitration, the Edwards family stopped at a carwash for the thrill of watching several former neurosurgeons whom John Edwards had sued out of business wax the Edwards' brand new sportscar.

"Doctors--they're what's really wrong with this country", Edwards was overheard to have muttered to himself.