Sun Wins Race across Sky--Again

For the 426,000,000,000,000,000,000th time in a row, the Sun won the diurnal 'Race across the Sky' competition held in the heavens over Earth.

A defiant Sun boasted of his record, taunting his opponents with, "Ain't nobody can step up to the mighty fleet-footedness of Apollo, baby! Nobody! Fools think they can contend with me--all I know is, I'm first out the blocks every morning when rosy-fingered dawn yields to the fury of my galloping steeds, and when I stable those flaming Arabians in the hollow of raspy dusk, ain't nobody to be seen in front of me, except maybe suckers who didn't even start the race to begin with. Mercury? Venus? Mars? Please... you must be trippin'. They ain't got nothin'. I'm the frickin' SUN, baby!"

Las Vegas bookmakers now all but agree that the sun's first-place finish each day is virtually a sure bet. Still, some renegade bookies are willing to extend long odds on perennial underdogs such as the moon. "The moon may seem frail and slow," said Vinny Catalini, bookmaker. "But she's light and nimble, and she's got a lot of scorn buried deep within her icy vaulted orb. I wouldn't be surprised if she was waitin' for the next solar eclipse to really stick it to old Ra and leave him in her dust."

The Sun dismissed Catalini's remarks with a snicker, saying, "the moon ain't nothin' without me. She REFLECTS, dog. She ain't even got her own nuclear fusion furnace to produce light and heat. She a cold, dead rock, an overrated mirror for my glory. Don't even play with me, dog. She ain't worth my time. That's why she got the night, and I got the day. If you ask me, she ain't even doin' that right. When's the last time you ever tried to do anything by moonlight? Can't see nothin', can you? The moon is a straight JOKE, is all I'm sayin'. The Sun rules!"