U.S. To Adopt Euro

In a classic case of "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" treasury secretary John Snow announced that the Federal Reserve will begin to phase out the U.S. Dollar and adopt the Euro, which has been gaining value against the Yankee Greenback for sometime. "Our currency is heading toward worthless anyway," stated Snow, "plus if we don't make the switch we will never get into the European Union." Under the plan proposed by the Fed Euro's will begin hitting the streets of the U.S. on Feb. 2 but will only be used to purchase thing European in nature such as futbol's and bikini briefs, but will soon totally replace ol' greenie. When asked why the U.S. was jumping on the Euro bandwagon President Bush responded, "Fair query chap, we have tried to manuveure to help the Yank recover, but haven't had a poke of luck. So my lads and I said blimey! We'll steal those dirty Frenchy's money!" The actual effect this change will have on the rank and file American is unclear. TDS attempted to contact those who will be most effected but unfortunately Washington, Lincoln, Hamilton, Grant, Franklin and Sacagawea could not be reached.