Rehnquist Shows off his 'Supreme Full-Court Press'

Chief Justice William Rehnquist, who administered the oath of office to incumbent president George W. Bush this morning, dazzled the crowd with a pre-inauguration display of his new 'Supreme Full-Court Press' maneuver; Rehnquist and fellow justices Ruth Bader-Ginsburg and Clarence Thomas overpowered various foreign dignitaries on a basketball court set up just in front of the main inauguration podium. Among those 'diz-ominated' by Rehnquist et al. were Chinese President Hu Jintao, Mexican President Vicente Fox, and Flemish Undersecretary of Interior Design Jan von Vongreese.

"We never saw that coming," admitted an exhausted Fox. "I didn't think the justices could handle our pick-and-roll, but we were just torn apart by them. Hu kept trying to post up, but I couldn't get anything by Rehnquist. He was on fire."

Later, a winded but glowing Rehnquist (also known affectionately as 'Dr. J' (Doctor Jurisprudence)) told the assembled onlookers that they could look forward to "a scintillating array of torts for all occasions" at the next inauguration in 2009.