Scientology Scores a Black Guy

Even though it proclaims a doctrine of open arms to all rich celebrities and social butterflies the church of Scientology has long been whiter than the Republican party. This all changed last night with the welcome addition of b-list actor Don Cheadle to the church rolls. Reports from Scoffer sources report that famed Scientologist Tom Cruise has been preaching the good word to Cheadle for some time, telling the actor that the benefits of this ancient order (founded in 1955) can change one's life forever. "I am too promiscuous to be Catholic, too black to be Jewish and to passive to be Islamic," Cheadle said, "a young religion with only a few established stereotypes seemed to be a good fit." Another famed Scientologist, John Travolta, told TDS that he believes that the addition of a minority to "the order" adds real "street cred" and will encourage "my homies" such as Will Smith and Gary Coleman to feel welcome in the religion. Cruise said while Cheadle's motivations to convert to Scientology seemed pure, he privately wonders if Cheadle is just joining to see Jenna Elfman in the traditional "Thong of Science".