New Year's Resolutions

We here at The Daily Scoffer would like to extend our New Years Wishes to all of our readers. Your loyal readership is much appreciated. Please digest the following New Year's Resolutions as your own:

1. Curb your alcoholism by becoming savagly addicted to the white pony.

2. Curb your alcoholism by drinking near beer.

3. Curb your enthusiasm

4. Sink your battleship.

5. Cook less meth.

6. Learn to play lute.

7. Bury bodies in freezer.

8. Disavow all knowledge.

9. Keep the beans below the frank.

10. Get to know chick in basement.

11. Email lady you married in Vegas last new years.

12, Slow motion for me.

13. Release PUD for all to enjoy.

14. Defy the wishes of the ARC.