al Aqsa Asthmatics Brigade Missed Arafat's Homecoming

Members of the al Aqsa Asthmatics Brigade missed their chance to attend the homecoming of Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat on Friday, citing high particulate matter concentrations in the air, as well as dangerous ozone levels.

"We wanted to go, really we did," explained Yusuf al Islam al Catstevens al Teaforthetillerman al Tikriti, "but fellow brigadier Abdul was a bit sniffly, and when I saw the weather report, and checked my personal hygrometer, I knew it was a day best spent indoors. We will make it to the next humiliating display of the inefficacy of Palestinian 'leadership', and will join our brothers in making bedlam. Oh, and death to Israel, death to America."

The al Aqsa Asthmatics Brigade garnered worldwide attention in 1998, when it delcared an intifada against airborne allergens and powdery mold.