President Bush Visits the Great White North

Less than one day after Pres. Bush announced, in a rather riveting press conference mind you, that Carlos Gutierrez will become the next Sec'y of Commerce, our fearless leader has proved once again that renewing and revitalizing diplomatic relations throughout the world is his top priority. "The President is committed to showing every nation in the Coalition of the Nay-Sayers(a nickname ole' W made up to reference all of the nations not participating in the war in Iraq) that he is most definitely still, da man," White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan said late Monday at an Oval Office press conference. "Our goal is travel to each country that decided not to send troops to Iraq and do three things: eat their food, sleep with their women and make them shake our hands while smiling and groveling at numerous photo ops, although not necessarily in that order. The American people spoke, and this is the type of actions that they would like to see from their President for the next four years," McClellan later added. Pres. Bush is scheduled to meet with Prime Minister Paul Martin in Canada's most lame province of Ottawa later today. Sources close to TDS have told us that the President is, however, looking forward to receiving the ceremonial gift basket that includes a "Strange Brew" DVD(with never before seen footage), a six pack of Molson Ice, 3 lbs. of Canadian Bacon and one other token, stereotypical Canadian item to be named later.