Martyr Reunion Sparsely Attended

The al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigade held its annual Martyrs Reunion and 10K Fundraiser Kickoff Bash on Thursday, an event that historically has been very lightly attended.

"The only people who come here are those who did not properly wire their pipe bombs," complained Abdul al Kablam al Kapowie, himself a failed suicide bomber. "Look over there, do you see that guy? That is Jared Pinkerton al Dorqawi, a recruit from Idaho. The only thing that happened when he pushed his button was that a silly camera on a spring popped out of his jacket--all he could do was smile and take a picture of the bewildered crowd around him. Every bomber knows: red for boom-boom, yellow for click-click--and pink or blue for emergency pacifier."

When al Kapowie was asked what had happened to foil his plans to murder some innocent children and their families, the 19 year-old Syrian native shrugged and said, "Ah, I decided I'd rather go back home and play video games."

al Kapowie was wearing a 'I Came This Close To Martyrdom, And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt' T-shirt.