Russian Energy Minister Breaks Up Yukos; Putin Taps Kudos to Fill Gap

Russian Energy Secretary Gregor Dayanokan today formally announced that the Russian government would be breaking up the energy monopoly of corporate giant Yukos, and would be selling it piecemeal on the open market. This comes as no surprise to commodities and exchange brokers, who had long been expecting the hubristic Yukos management team to incur the wrath of the Russian state, outside of whose parameters the company had begun to operate.

In an unexpected move, though, Russian president Vladimir Putin told a joint session of the Duma today that he would be enacting his special administrative authority in order to force Yukos' holdings and subsidiaries to begin selling Kudos, the chewy, chocolatey treat that moms and kids can both go for. Kudos corporate spokesmen with whom The Daily Scoffer spoke said they were flabbergasted by the news, but quickly admitted that they were elated by the prospect of a phenomenal increase in sales.

Putin aides said that Putin came up with the idea to make Yukos sell Kudos the night before he was to address the Duma. "Before that, he had nothin'," said Plessky Voivonovich, Putin's spokesman.