Senator Kerry Proposes Tax Cuts for Henpecked Eunuchs

Senator John Kerry of Massachusetts, who recently returned to Washington after a long, grueling, and ultimately unsuccessful campaign to transform the United States of America into a lumbering socialist monstrosity, spent his first day back at his old job in a heated debate over a new tax relief program that the senator has begun to advocate.

"All men between the ages of 50 and 70 who have had their testicles removed by the icy fingers of their foul-mouthed, domineering, shrewish wives deserve substantial tax relief," Kerry explained in a speech before the Senate this afternoon. "If you are henpecked, cuckolded, nagged, pestered, or in any way emasculated by your battle axe, I want you to know that the government cares, that the government understands, and that the government will work to help you in any way that it can."