Pinko, Twit Fade Away; Hitlerina Gearing Up for 2008

Uncle Ho-derriere smoocher John Kerry and his twit running mate John Edwards have swiftly faded from the spotlight (sources suggest they may be using Kerry's boat) after their failed run for the White House. Mealy-mouthed Democratic spokesmen (and -women!) around the nation expressed dismay at the outcome of the election, but hinted that they were looking forward to wasting millions of dollars on the next spineless loser's campaign.

Meanwhile, ex-Gorgon Hillary Clinton was heard muttering "Agamemnon, Agamemnon!" in her Senate office on Friday, as aides explained she was debating whether or not to seek the presidency in 2008. "It's not a question of whether I wish to run," Clinton explained in a statement issued Friday afternoon, "but, rather, a question of whether my husband will allow me to sacrifice Chelsea in order to seal the fate of my opponent, whoever that may be. The legal question is, then, 'can a girl whose soul has already been auctioned off to allow her father to win twice in the Gilded Nineties become a valid sacrificial victim for her mother, as well?' I have secured the counsel of Dan'l Webster and will make my final decision based upon his findings."