Constitution Declared Unconstitutional

The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals, which in 2002 ruled that the Pledge of Allegiance was unconstitutional, yesterday unanimously declared the Constitution of the United States of America to be, in fact, unconstitutional.

Judge Willy Wetbottom wrote the representative opinion, explaining that, "the Founding Fathers' assumption that there was any God whatsoever, and thus any legitimacy to the churches from which they were attempting to separate the fledgling Republic, is deeply disturbing, and is offensive to all who believe--sorry, bad choice of words--to all who hold that rank atheism was the true guiding principle of the framers of our democracy. Furthermore, not one of the signatories to the Constitution was a woman, nor were there any homosexual, minority, or illegal immigrant delegates present at the signing. Therefore, we, the court, deem the document null and void."

Upon hearing the news, a man named Noah began constructing a forty cubit-long boat in preparation for some "big water" that he believed would follow quickly on the court's ruling.