Insurgents Branch Out

Iraq-based insurgents have expanded their operations in order to take advantage of the unique economic and cultural situations in a rapidly-evolving Cradle of Civilization, various wire reports indicate.

In Mosul, where the electric supply grid is notoriously prone to sudden spikes in voltage, local rebels have begun selling "Arabian Star Insurgent Protectors". And in Basra, once the cultural capital of Iraq, a low-ranking mullah has brought Insurgio Rossi-brand jeans, as well as Insurgio Garcia golf and leisure wear, to market. But perhaps the most brazen of the corporate piracy has taken place in Baqubah, where Mahmoud Abbas has released "Like an Insurgent (Jihadin' for the Very First Time)", which has gone straight to the top of the Iraqi charts and has provided much-needed revenue for the insurgent cause.

The Daily Scoffer will continue to monitor the situation on the ground, and will report back as events warrant.