Indians Look Forward to Four More Years of Paleface Hegemony

Native American tribal leaders across the United States reacted with joy after learning the outcome of the presidential election early Wednesday morning.

Chief Darrell Eaglefeather, spokesman for the Cherokee Nation, told The Daily Scoffer, "We can't wait for four more years of the white man's dominance over our sacred lands, and of the white man's shamelessly crass co-opting of our deeply spiritual aboriginal culture. It's a real treat to live under paleface suzerainty, emasculated by whisky and welfare and reduced to sad shadows of our formerly proud selves. Wow, so a white guy won--that's great news."

Top Republican strategist Karl Rove was confident that a couple of shots of President George W. Bush wearing a turquoise-studded bolero tie had "sealed the deal with the fickle Injun electorate." Chief Eaglefeather declined to respond to Rove's insights.