Dreadlocked Right-Winger in Lonely Battle

Robert Allen, the world's only Rastafarian Republican, is fighting an uphill battle in his native Jamaica, canvassing his Kingstown neighborhood in an effort to convince voters of the merits of laissez-faire capitalism, low taxes, and conservative cultural values.

"My neighbors, dey all be swingin' dey heads and singin' dat crazy music," explained Allen. "Dey no got time for to listen to me preachin' about fiscal responsibility an' t'ings of that sort. I tell dem dat Bush is the man for the job, dat some folks is simply evil an' must be done away with, an' dat the Europeans is the wave of the ancient past, man, but dey no listen Robert, no. Maybe if my name was Robert Marley, an' I was a wailin', dey might heed my calls for smaller gov'ment an' decreased fed'ral spendin'. But even DEN, you never know."