Man Pays $35,080 For Status Symbol

Local comptroller Ivan Poser recently purchased a 2004 Hummer H2 and paid the full sticker price of $54,580, which by any measure makes him a large sucker. Internal GM documents obtained by the Scoffer indicate that the "real" value (transportation, safety etc) of the H2 is $19,450 which means that after paying a $50 "doc fee" Poser spent $35,080 on the perceived status that goes along with being a Hummer owner. "Now when people see me on the highway, or more frequently the gas station, they will know that I have reached a level of success so great that I have enough money to obtain any luxury I want as long as I can finance it for 72 months." said a beaming Poser as he loving caressed the steel grill of his canary yellow behemoth. The H2 is undeniably a ground breaking vehicle, combining the style and luxury of a UPS truck with the environmental friendliness of Dick Cheney, this rolling middle-finger to mother earth won't fit in a standard garage. "Why would I even want to garage this baby," Poser posed, "I haven't been comptrollin' for 20 years to hide my success in the garage." Psychologist Harvey Monotone said that most people who buy vehicles of this size are soccer mom's trying to find power on the highways that their alcoholic husbands don't give them at home or men of diminutive stature or character who have succumb to a Nepolionic complex. Poser's case is much more simple he says, "Ivan simply wants to catch the eye of a lady half his wife's age." hypothesized Monotone. When reached for comment about his Dad's purchase Poser's 18 year old son Dale said that it would have been cool to go to college but, "whatever."