Clinton Endorses Use of Medical Marijuana

Former President Bill Clinton has been giving speeches endorsing the use of marijuana by those with special medical needs, sources close to Clinton tell The Daily Scoffer. An excerpt from a speech that Clinton gave on Saturday to the Federated Septuagenarians of Rochester reads:

"Yes, when I was a greenhorn I tried to use marijuana in order to regulate, nay, in order to cure, brothers and sisters, in order to cure my predilection towards being a spineless tax-and-spend liberal. But I didn't inhale, brothers and sisters--and there I went wrong, yea, truly I did. I wended along the road of inflationary fiscal policies and eventually led America down the primrose path past the Era of Good Feelings and straight into the gaping jaws of a global terrorist crisis. I should have inhaled, I say. And so I will, should I ever have the chance again."

One of the septuagenarians with whom The Daily Scoffer spoke said, "that blamed fool ran his yap so durned long that the buffet sausages went cold. What in tarnation was he on about?"